Whether they’re arguing over the last cookie, a favorite toy or who gets the remote, listening to your kids squabble can be exhausting. Sibling rivalries can be a normal part of family dynamics, but they can also make life frustrating and stressful for everyone involved. Bridgette Orehek, a nurse practitioner at Atrium Health Levine Children’s Rock Hill Pediatrics, shares tips for helping your kids navigate sibling relationships.
“Sibling rivalry is used to describe the competition and friction that can occur between siblings,” says Orehek. “While sibling rivalries tend to be more common in kids who are close in age, they can occur between siblings of all age ranges.”
Common causes of sibling rivalries
Many factors can lead to sibling rivalries, including:
- Competition for toys, space, attention and approval.
- Jealousy related to a new sibling or major life change.
- Personality and temperament differences.
- Differences in age and developmental stages.
- Displays of favoritism from parents or other relatives.
How parents can minimize sibling rivalries
“It’s important for parents to address conflicts to help promote healthy sibling relationships,” says Orehek. “While it’s natural for kids to form sibling rivalries, fostering healthy relationships with their siblings can support them throughout their lives. Siblings allow children to practice important communication, social and conflict resolution skills.”
Orehek recommends the following tips for parents:
- Do your best to remain calm when you intervene in a sibling argument. By modeling respectful communication, you can set a good example for how your children can interact with one another.
- Avoid blaming one child for a fight and showing favoritism; instead, focus on each child's role in the conflict without comparing them or encouraging competition.
- Create clear family rules everyone is expected to follow.
- Be private about discipline. If you need to discipline a child, keep it private and don’t discuss it in front of their siblings, as this can create shame and animosity between them.
- Encourage children to express their feelings with words instead of physical aggression. Have everyone sit down, express how they feel and talk about ways to address a disagreement in the future, such as through compromise or sharing. Listening to and respecting their feelings can go a long way in helping them feel supported and seen.
- Embrace their individuality. Spend one-on-one time with each child doing activities they enjoy, such as reading, playing a sport, painting, listening to music or cooking. Celebrate and compliment their individual personalities, attributes and achievements.
- Avoid using labels for your children, such as “the athletic one,” “the artistic one” or “the smart one.”
- Set a good example by respectfully communicating with your partner and friends.
- Schedule family bonding activities you can all do together, such as a day trip, a game night or a family meal.
- Reinforce and encourage positive sibling interactions and cooperation.
When to seek support for sibling rivalries
Talk to your pediatrician or a licensed counselor if you notice:
- Signs of excessive resentment or jealousy.
- Persistent physical aggression or bullying.
- Emotional withdrawal or distress.
“While sibling rivalries can be frustrating, they are normal and manageable,” says Orehek. “By fostering a positive family environment and helping your children navigate their emotions, you can help them form healthy sibling relationships that can lead to lifelong bonds.”
Looking for expert advice on other topics? Find a Levine Children’s pediatrician near you.
